I grew up in the small southern town of Lawrenceburg, Tennessee until I was 12 years old. In Lawrencebrug, I lived on Grandaddy Road, went to Davy Crockett Elementary school and attended O.K. Baptist church. My Friday nights were spent with my Grandmother and Grandaddy. First, they would drive 30 minutes away to McDonalds, then we would go to Walmart and pick out a toy. When we got back to their house, it was spent watching “Dukes of Hazzard “ and catching Lightning Bugs in their back yard. Lawrenceburg is small knit town filled with folks that wave at you while driving by. Everyone knows everyone and they out of their way to help people. An Amish community lives about five minutes from Lawrenceburg. As a child, I remember when we would drive into town, the Amish could be seen in their horses and buggies usually going to sell their vegetables alongside the road. 

  The way people in Lawrenceburg practiced hospitality has been ingrained into me. It was my normal. Because of this, I may come across as extra friendly and accommodating, but I am doing what comes natural for me. Although, I have learned tone it down in some situations because I realize people are more guarded. My first experience in seeing that my small town culture was different, in regards to hospitality, was when we moved to a bigger town. The people did not seem as friendly and no one waved to you while driving. Eventuality, I began understand the culture and grew to love the bigger town and its people.

I was 12 years old our family moved to a much bigger town near Nashville, Tennessee. This is when I first learned the importance of praying and following Gods will. It was a hard decision to leave Lawrenceburg and move two hours away from our loved ones and friends. However, I remember the respect I had for my parents in regards to their obedience and faith concerning the move. When my parents modeled this behavior, they showed me the way to live in a way that honors God. 

At times, especially when I eat Amish home grown tomatoes, I feel like I’m that little girl back in Lawrenceburg, swinging on my Grandparents front porch swing. I savor those moments and I am so thankful for my roots. Like any culture, there are negative connotations, however, I have learned that it is far better to approach life from a positive aspect. 



Bagels, Hummus and Where did you go to High School?

Moving fromTennessee to St. Louis has been an enlightening experience. In the twelve years I have lived in St. Louis I have grown to love the people and culture. I have written some of my thoughts for those of you from the Midwest that wonder what a southern person is thinking!

* When we say “coke” we mean all soda products not just coke-cola.
* “Where are y’all’s buggies?” This means, “where are you guy’s shopping carts located?”
* When I say “fixin” this means, “I am going to do this.”
* “Bless your heart” can mean two things -“awww that’s sad, I feel bad for them” or “poor thing, they have no since!”

  Some words of warning to my southern friends: 
* If you ask for tea in restaurants, they give you unsweetened!
* Our biscuits are their bagels    
* In St Louis, Baseball is where it’s at, not Football.
* Hummus is actually really yummy! 
* And finally, if a person from St. Louis asks you where you went to high school, you may just pass for a St. Louisian!


Does the Lack of a Secure Parental Attachment lead to Personality Disorders in Adulthood?
 Studies show that an insecure attachment regarding the parent/child relationship leads to unfulfilled emotional needs as a child and adult. Not experiencing enough love and praise, being consistently criticized, or being made to feel unimportant becomes the norm for the child. Given the negative impact of insecure parent/child attachments throughout the lifespan, interventions focusing on the emotional needs of the individual might need to be considered in order to aid in the therapeutic process. Additionally, research concludes that personality disorders can be traced back to early childhood experiences. In the article, Early Trauma and Subsequent Antisocial Behavior in Adults, Armstrong (2008) explains that, “ it is important understand that childhood trauma and maltreatment may be the root cause of their adult antisocial behaviors.” 

It seems as though research supports the idea of negative effects of an insecure attachment.

However, when exploring a positive temperament of a young child who is experiencing the same scenario, they seem to manage and adapt to whatever life throws at them. Based on this, it is reasonable to say that negative caregiver behavior in childhood does not necessarily lead to personality disorders in adulthood. – Tonya Tullis 

Digging Deeper 

While behavioral therapy may modify negative behaviors, what happens when these unfavorable patterns will not cease? This is where psychotherapy can be an advantage. Psychotherapy asserts that most individuals are unaware of the causes of their distressing behavioral patterns. The outcome of this type of therapy brings to light the unconscious factors that influence present relationships. By investigating the root of the behavioral problem, eventually, individuals begin to resolve hidden struggles and work through emotions that may be causing conflict in relationships.


Behavioral therapy is an acceptable approach for individuals who need behavioral modification right away. When social skills are challenged, behavioral therapy is a great resource. However, in respect to relational issues, Behavioral therapy ignores emotional factors and only treats the characteristics of a problem. I like to refer to it as “Band-aid Therapy “. 

I’ll write more on getting to the root issue in my next post.

The Wisdom Of Maya

“I am convinced that most people do not grow up…We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.”
― Maya Angelou

What are your thoughts?
Below is an article that provides more explanation for Maya’s beautiful words.

When Your ‘Inner Child’ Hijacks Your Adult Relationships

By Jill P. Weber, Ph.D. 

When emotionally overwhelmed, people tend to regress and revert to childhood strategies to get their needs met. When the mind is overloaded it is natural to look for immediate gratification. It’s at those times that the inner child might wreak havoc on your relationships, or even your life. People who are chronically overloaded with stress, life transitions, medical conditions or chronic relationship conflict may rely on childhood strategies to get their needs met. And for those adults who were not adequately nurtured or made to feel safe in childhood, their inner child can play out destructively throughout adulthood. Even without childhood trauma however, everyone has an inner child that needs to be kept in check.
Allowing your inner child out too much means you are constantly indulging your immediate needs and you never get to see that you can tolerate not getting everything just your way all of the time. A “little self” becomes an adult who inside feels weak and terrified but projects strength by using rage as ammunition. As you see you can tolerate distress and improve your relationships without these tactics you will no longer need ‘little you’ to handle your adult issues. 
Here are a few examples of destructive “Inner Child” dynamics and how they can wreak havoc on your adult life.

1. The Tantrum King/Queen: Think of the child who every time she doesn’t get what she wants cries, screams, wails and if that’s not enough throws herself on the ground. If you are an adult Tantrum King/Queen you have serious difficulty accepting “no” from your partner or your partner may feel he/she has to walk on eggshells in your presence. People may give you what you want simply because they are afraid of your emotional reactions. Some who fall into this dynamic do not even realize they are doing so — they genuinely feel upset and can’t help but to express it. If you are doing this on a regular basis, every time you find yourself fretting with upset about a need not being met take 10 minutes before you respond to your partner. Step back and remind yourself that even though you are feeling something very intensely, you do not have to act on this feeling. Do something to distract momentarily — breathe, take a shower, go for a quick walk, try to take the edge off the emotion — then revisit your original feeling and see if you can either “let it go” or communicate it with less intensity.
2. The Manipulator: It’s astonishing how good little kids are at tricking adults into giving in or giving them what they want — “but you said, I could!” or “I have been good all day!” They naturally find ways to get adult sympathy so that they will receive what they want. There is nothing pathological about this tendency as it is in part the egos attempt to balance the id and superego. Of course children grow out of this as they become better able to sublimate some of their immediate needs without having to use manipulation. In adulthood, however, some fall victim to still using manipulation as a way to get every need gratified or out of a fear of being direct with people. Constantly demanding and contorting things to get one’s needs met feels burdensome to others and can result in rage on the part of your partners. If you fall into this dynamic, instead of manipulating your partner to give you what you want or to make him/her do what you want, try to tolerate not getting what you want or state directly your needs without trickery. The more you do for yourself and talk directly with your partners about what you need and why, the less you will rely on manipulation.
3. The Good Soldier: This dynamic describes when a person is so intolerant of conflict or upset that they continually put on a brave/happy face even when their internal feelings may be more complicated. Think of the child whose home life is hostile or unsafe but at school the child is functional and competent — the child may appear fine and uncommonly resilient. Adults who fall into this habit often have secret lives outside of their committed unions. This is the person who, seemingly out of nowhere, tells their partner they want to divorce/breakup. The partners of good soldiers are often shocked and want to work on the problem, but the good solider is gone before this can materialize. Good soldiers are afraid of conflict and work so hard to make others happy they neglect their own feelings. If you notice yourself doing this, try to be more real with those you care about; test the waters, there may be more room for the real you in your adult relationships than you think. If there isn’t, consider going into couples therapy so a trained professional can help you talk about your more complicated feelings and help your partner to hear you.
4. The Rebel Without A Cause: This inner child dynamic describes an adult who is behaviorally acting out in his/her adult relationships. Just as teenagers sometimes get their needs met on the sly so as to not have to deal with parents or authority figures — sneak out of the house, stay out late, say they are one place when they are actually at another, promiscuity, substance abuse — the adult uses these same means to get a fix outside of his/her committed relationship. When they feel bored, upset, frustrated with their partner, instead of talking with them about their upset they act out behaviorally. A person caught up in this dynamic may be involved in affairs or have a tendency to have a secret life that their partner knows nothing about. The Rebel Without A Cause is similar to the teenager in that they never actually grow up and tell themselves “no” to adolescent proclivities. If you are a “rebel” know that continuing this way will burn you out eventually, whether it be physically, emotionally or financially. Destructive behavioral habits can be broken, start being your own best parent and tell yourself “no” to things that are going to make you feel worst later.

The Big Picture 

Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, “Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.” 

Though, I am not welcoming adversity with open arms, I have learned that each situation has strengthened my character, while gaining a fresh perspective and eventually attain new found wisdom. In the midst of life’s hardships, the possibility of a new understanding dwells within. However, during these circumstances, it is tough to see through complexities and perceive the event as an opportunity. By taking a positive stance, we allow ourselves the freedom of knowing that we are not going to remain stuck and eventually we will see the big picture.